Finding the Light
by TigerLily15
Summary: After a horrible night the summer before 7th year, Lily is devestated and withdraws.Can James help her become her normal self once again?


A petite redhead quickly made her way through Platform 9 ¾'s, her heavy trunk dragging behind her. Weaving past stray trunks and animals, she finally made it inside the train. No one else was boarding just yet as it was only eleven. But Lily wanted to be alone, she needed the solitude. Quickly finding a small compartment, she made her way inside and charmed the door. Unless someone was looking for her, they would never see the door. It was almost a modified version of the spell used on the Leaky Cauldron. Lily sat down, not looking at anything in particular, nor noticing how unusually cold it was in the compartment.  
  
If any of her friends would have found her outside, they would have been surprised. You could plainly tell that something had happened to the new Head Girl over the summer; it was almost as if she couldn't cope or comprehend the situation. It seemed as if the event had shaken her physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lily had obviously ceased to show any indication that she cared about her appearance. Her already small figure had lost ten pounds, dark circles were under her eyes, and her russet hair was mussed and no longer shined like it once had. But there was one feature that shook you if you cared to look; her eyes were devoid of happiness. Those brilliant emerald green eyes had lost their sparkle; they were now dull and flat, seeping pain and sorrow, loss and confusion. This was the first thing James Potter noticed when he walked through the door.  
  
She didn't see him at first, missing the look of shock and concern flash across his face. Lily stayed immobile, staring off into the nothingness before her. She had decided that it was easier to not feel emotions anymore; you couldn't get hurt that way. A long moment passed before she realized that James was staring at her. Lily blinked, not quite registering who it was. Their eyes locked; causing him to read things she didn't even know she was telling. Wordlessly he walked over, gently putting his strong arm around her shoulders. She stiffened at his touch; it was the first human touch she had come in contact with since that night. Lily slowly started to tremble under James's reassuring touch. He knew. He knew what she was trying to push away. It was then she realized that Mr Potter had been there that night. Of course he would have told his son about the misfortunes of one of his best friends. Lily, still trembling, shoved James away. "I don't want your pity. What I want is to be left alone."  
  
James stepped back, as if he were examining her. Sadly he shook his head. "I'm sorry Lily; I can't do that to you.it would hurt both of us."  
  
Lily cringed, knowing that he was speaking the truth, but she didn't want to admit it. Instead she let her surging emotions take over. "James, you don't get it," she hissed. "You need to give me time.maybe then I'll come and talk to you eventually.but only after you give me time." Her voice was steadily rising and gaining momentum. "Just leave me alone!" Pulling up her knees, Lily glared until he left, a frown marring his smooth brow.  
  
Inadvertently, her thoughts briefly turned to her other friends, wondering how they were going to take the news. She almost felt guilty to her two best girl friends, Alyssa Poth and Sheila Walker. Alyssa was a lot like Lily, she was just behind her in most of their classes in grades. Her only problem was that she tended to be really shy around people she didn't know, especially guys. Usually the only guy that she would open up to the most was Remus, who was particularly gentle and patient around Alyssa. Sheila was almost the exact opposite. She was outgoing, and was a total flirt. To chagrin of the male population, she was had been dating at the end of the school year, and still was, fellow seventh year Russell Weasley. Her redheaded boyfriend was none other then the younger brother of the infamous Arthur Weasley. Alyssa would probably understand, what Lily was doing, as would Remus. But she didn't know about Sheila or Sirius, they might not give her the space she needed. Peter.well Lily could have cared less what he thought. James and Remus would keep him in line at any rate.  
  
The rolling hills and farmland continued to pass by outside the window, gently bringing Lily into an exhausted stupor. She finally closed her eyes, settling into a troubled sleep.  
  
Lily woke with a jolt as the train came to a stop at the Hogsmeade station. Rubbing her tired eyes she stood up and slowly stretched, and then carelessly threw on her Hogwarts robes. She waited in the compartment until the stampede of feet subsided out in the hallway before she slipped out and exited the train. As she had planned, she was one of the last students off and got a carriage all to herself. Unfortunately, upon her entrance in the castle, the head of her house purposely strode up to her, asking if they could talk for a moment. Lily followed behind meekly as they headed into Professor McGonagall's office. The strict old lady looked at her worriedly from behind the desk.  
  
"Is there anything I could do for you Ms. Evans? Since I am thinking in light of the tragic events for you this summer, I would be glad to help you in anyway that is within my power to do." Professor McGonagall gave her a searching look, lingering on her robes which were a bit baggier then normal. Lily of course, hadn't noticed this fact.  
  
"No, but thank you Professor, there is nothing I need at the moment." Lily looked everywhere except the face of the head of her house. Not that her heart is in the wrong place, Lily thought. It's just that I don't need the pity.  
  
"That is all Ms Evans. You may go off to the feast now."  
  
Lily left quickly, all the while pondering where to sit when she got to the Great Hall. Slipping inside the heavy doors, she quickly made her way to the empty seat near James. The only acknowledgement he gave her was a brisk nod. The rest of her friends, on the other hand, gave her perplexed glances. They seemed as if they were about to ask something, but didn't. Professor McGonagall then entered with the sorting hat as she did every year. Lily didn't pay attention at all, she just stared off into space and thought. When that was over the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, stood up and beckoned them all to be silent.  
  
"It is the beginning of another year. Another year in which you will grow to love, tolerate, or despise your fellow students." He paused for the effect of these words to sink in. "Now I encourage all of you to eat to your hearts content!"  
  
Lily suddenly paled as all the food appeared. She had remembered the letter she sent to her mother right after this feast in first year; how her mother was so excited, claiming that this was one of the best things that could have happened to her favourite daughter. Caught up in a rush of emotions that she didn't want to be feeling, Lily fled from the Great Hall.  
  
A/N: This is a story that has been sitting in my head for quite some time. Some of the coming parts can only be labelled as angsty fluff, if there is even such a thing. Sorry that this chappie is shorter then normal, it is mostly a teaser so you readers get caught in the plot. Please review and tell me what you think! 


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